


A Thing That Happend

by amorton1298



Series: Food, Fluff, and Stuff [10]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Phil Coulson, BAMF Frigga, BAMF Steve Rogers, Bromance, Canon Divergence, Daddy Steve, Eventual Romance, Evil Nick Fury, Family Feels, Fluff, Humor, If You Squint - Freeform, Loki Has Issues, M/M, Manipulative Nick Fury, Odin's A+ Parenting, Protective Bruce, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint, Protective Natasha, Protective Phil Coulson, Protective Thor, Protectiveness, References to Lord of the Rings, SO MUCH BROMANCE, So Married, So many tags, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor/Bruce - Freeform, clueless couples, mommy loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:36:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4278768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorton1298/pseuds/amorton1298
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>if you love:<br/>~food<br/>~feels<br/>~family<br/>AND MORE<br/>this is the story for you</p><p>I apologize for my inability to write a summery :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a normal day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FightingIrishGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FightingIrishGirl/gifts).



> all recipes are the rest of the series

It had been 2 years since Loki had tried to take over Midgard. During which the ex villain had survived through six months of torturous punishment before Thor had broken him out of his gruesome prison, another four months of slowly gaining the trust of his former enemies now turned friends, the Avengers, five joyous months of knowing what a real families love felt like, and finally nine insufferable months of loving a mortal man he could never hope of calling his.

Loki was in the kitchen thinking about his past as he drizzled the roasted pineapple sauce, over the customary cranberry jelly glaze that adorned the seventh of his delectable Bundt cakes. This one he had made especially for his princess of spiders, Natasha, and was a succulent hybrid between a mouth-watering brown butter sour cream crumb cake with roasted pineapple sauce and fingerlickin’ good sticky toffee Bundt cake with cranberry jelly glaze.

Loki had made a treat for everyone he cared for, and as if on schedule, when the clock hit two thirty, the overgrown children who haunted the Avengers Tower had crawled out of whatever crevice they had been tucked away in and made way to the table. Only after Loki had inspected each of their hands- especially Tony knowing how he spent most of his free time in the lab getting greasy and Clint who tend to frolic around in the dusty vents- and everyone was seated did Loki serve lunch, which today consisted of cavatappi with Fontana and a side of mixed vegetables. 

The heroes were joined by Agent Phil Coulson as usual, but were also, unusually, joined by his boss Director Fury who, despite the fact that Loki had not caused any problems since his return on earth, hated the amateur chef with a burning passion, and once again tried to make his assets see reason.

“No, I don't want any of the slop! What I want is for you to stop feeding my agents with your alien, mind controlling poison!”, for some unknown reason Fury had gotten the ridiculous idea into his head that Loki was slowly taking over the world with delicious foods and baked goods- which he totally COULD, he just didn't have enough eggs.

“Hey, Loki, are you trying to poison us, so you can slowly take over the world?” Tony rolled his eyes at the director as he asked his redundant question.

“Mommy wouldn't poison us.” Natasha answered before the man being questioned could open his mouth.

“Yea Ma would just get us so fat we wouldn't be able to fight.” Clint scoffed sarcastically before returning to the shoving of pasta into his dark hole of a stomach.

“Nah, Daddy wouldn't let Momma feed us that much without a speech on portion control.” Phil added playing along.

“We’re just friends” Steve muttered as he avoided eye contact with Loki, the three agents had started a joke where they called Loki the Mom and Steve the Dad, which was funny at first but was now an annoying habit the Captain had failed at breaking.

Bruce rolled his eyes at the cluelessness of the pair when he noticed the tricksters small frown at the blonds words.

“You shouldn't even be in this realm,” Fury continued as if no one spoke “Thor should've just left you to die in Asguard, you're no good to us here.”

“My brother is the heart of the family of warriors you have created, Man of Fury, and it would be best if you leave him be” Thor loved his brother more than anything and hated when Fury would try to get him and his friends to turn their backs on him.

“So what? He plays Nanny a couple times and you all think he's a saint or something?” Fury was beginning to notice the group seemed irritated and made the mistake of thinking it was directed at Loki instead of himself ”I think you are better off dead, they won't miss you, no one will. I mean who wants a burden your size?” the man voiced the last comment to Loki and reclined back casually awaiting the support of the others.

Everyone froze at the Cyclops's last words, most out of shock and anger but Loki was frozen out of fear, what if the people he thought of as family really didn't want him around? After what felt like eternity, but was probably only a few seconds, Steve slammed a fist onto the table making the plates and glasses clatter as he glared a hole into Fury's one good eye.

“I will NOT have you speak to Loki like that, not only is he a brother in arms but he is also, supposedly my spouse, and if you have a problem with him, you not only have a problem with me but you have a problem with everyone else in this tower, do i make myself clear?”, the soldiers tone was calm yet deadly, and looking around the kitchen table Fury could tell he had lost the support of the other members in this dysfunctional family.

“Alright I see how it is, Phil come along our slick asses leaving ” 

“Actually, sir, Momma says i can't have my dessert until I've finished all my veggies, and with all due respect I'm not leaving until i get my cake.” Phil smile was sarcastic as he faced his boss, and Fury silently left the tower with a vow that this argument was far from over.

“Well, who wants their cake?” Loki asked lightly, trying to defuse some of the tension, and as if someone flipped a switch everyone went back to how they acted before Fury ever showed up. As the team talked in an upbeat fashion, happily anticipating what flavor they're personalized cakes were going to be, Loki placed the Bundt cakes before each one informing each of the flavor and giving a small token of affection, loving how their eyes would light up in excitement.

“Princess you're my guinea pig for this one, it's a new flavor, I've gone and mixed your two favorites, it's a brown butter sour cream crumb cake with roasted pineapple sauce and sticky toffee bundt cake with cranberry jelly glaze, hope it's good!” a hand smoothing the red hair as he moved on.

“Baby Bird got a mint chocolate chip Bundt cake with crème de menthe, since i know you just finished off your last box of thin mints a while ago and are have withdrawals” Loki teased and patted the excited assassin on the head lovingly.

“Peanut you got a brown sugar pear and cherry Bundt cake, I'm sure it’ll be your new favorite. Also I do hope I didn't get you trouble with the director” Loki pulled Phil into an apologetic hug as he began to worry, like any normal mother would do when they realize they could have gotten their child potentially fired. ”If you need you can take my place, I'm sure everyone would agree your a much better fit for the tower then I could ever be, besides I don't-”

“Whoa no ones taking anyone's place!” Steve interrupted and blushed as he continued “Loki you are not by any means replaceable.” Bruce and Thor silently squealed at the adorable interaction.

“Yeah, besides if you leave the rest are gonna follow,” Tony's snarky comment was met with aggressive head nods from Loki’s three children, his two best friends, older brother, Loki’s forbidden fruit of a man, and, if he had been there, Bucky.

Bucky, surprisingly, was the only person besides Steve who could ever talk Loki out of his “I’m -a-bad-person-who-needs-to-die” moods.

“You’re really the only thing keeping us from starving to death or killing each other” Bruce sheepishly grinned as he agreed with his best friend.

“See this is why I made a cherry chocolate cake with fudge frosting Bundt for Tony, because you are sarcastically sweet and this cake is decadently simple.” Loki gave both men a kiss on the cheek before continuing “Bruce I made you a chocolate zucchini Bundt because I know you’re a huge health nut, but everyone needs a little chocolate in their lives.” the trickster had a Cheshire sized grin plastered across his face and threw a wink over his shoulder as he made his way over to his brother.

“Brother, i have made your favorite.” Loki’s tone was teasingly serious 

“Peanut butter chocolate?!?” Thor was practically foaming at the mouth and as soon as Loki had given a curt nod, he tackled his brother the ground, both laughing and roughhousing happily. 

Eventually Thor released his brother in favor of demolishing his cake, so Loki moved on to the last person, Steve.

“Well, Darling,” Loki’s eyes shined with amusement and, for Steve, everything slowed down a moment and all he could see was Loki “Looks like it's just you and me...”. The moment was ruined by a certain Winter Soldier wrapping his arm around the mischievous god. Steve took a silent step back, clearing his throat as both Loki and Bucky made various sounds of excitement and jumped around, glad they were reunited with their best friend. After gaining back their composure, Bucky went and clapped Steve on the shoulder as Loki ran back into the kitchen getting the last two cakes.

“Glad you were able to take care of him while I was away...” Buck trailed off and grinned as he thanked his best friends secret crush.

“Steve a Caramel Apple Bundt Cake for you , I know how much you adore apples”

“I can think of something else Steve adores” Tony muttered but quickly spoke up the baking god “Hey, Loki I'm gonna take Bruce and Thor back to the lab, so if anything goes down your best bet is the three amigos to your left” The speech was ended with the elevator doors closing, leaving a tomato faced Steve to deal with the snickering agents. “Great,” Steve thought “Now they’ll never stop calling me and Loki a couple…..not that i would mind but….WHOA what am I saying Loki is a friend, that's all! Just a good friend...” 

“Awww who are you kidding you know you find him attractive” a voice that sounded suspiciously like tony echoed from the back of Steve's mind, but the Captain quickly silenced it when he saw Loki hand the last cake to Bucky

“Pumpkin cranberry Bundt cake for the brave little soldier who came home.” Loki kissed the man on his forehead and Steve scowled at the interaction.

Loki, never one to forget, walked over to the other soldiers side and cupped his cheek, much like how Thor would do him in one of his more sappy moments, but this was different, he didn't feel the same way for Thor as he did for the man in front of him.

The spell was broken by Jarvis’s voice “Excuse me Sir, but Loki has a phone call coming in” and as Loki turned away from the man of his dreams to answer said phone, Phil, Natasha, and Clint drug their Daddy away to the gym, much to Steve's protests. 

Bucky stayed behind to catch up with Loki but when he sat at the island table he noticed how tense his friends shoulders were and waited patiently for Loki to end his call, knowing he would get all his questions answered as soon as the other man got off the phone. Soon the phone was hung back onto the receiver, and as Loki turned toward Bucky he revealed his cold emerald eyes, instantly Bucky was at the god's side, hands on the broken man's shoulders. Fully prepared for one of Loki’s more dramatic episodes.

“Loki it’ll be ok...tell me what happened and I promise you we can get through this.” Bucky talked in a calm tone as if addressing a dangerous animal- which at this point he probably was.

After a few moments Loki began to explain, “I'm going to have to go away For a little while, it appears Fury would like to see me at Shield Headquarters.”

“Fury hates you.”

“Odin threatened to declare war on Midguard.”

“send Thor, I'm sure he’ll understand why you don't wasn't to see the son of a bitch” Loki had told Bucky some of the ways Odin had chosen to treat Loki when he was younger, laughing in his face when the whip would hit the tender flesh of the child the cold trickster used to be. Bucky's teeth clenched at the next words to leave the other man's mouth,

“Thor is stuck in the lab conducting an experiment with our mad scientist and Fury is Demanding my presence. Look Buck i don't want you telling anyone where I'm going, Fury sounded a little off to me and I'm worried it might be a trap”

“All the more reason not to go!” Everyone knew about Furies hatred for the mischievous god and Bucky didn't want his friend hurt.

“It's not that simple,” Loki stepped away from the man before him, not wanting to argue over something he had no control over ”Midguard won't survive an intergalactic war, even with the Avengers fighting”

“What if Odin's throwing another fit, like he did a couple months back when Thor didn't visit for that big battle feast?!”

“If Odin really is throwing another temper tantrum then I'm going to take the brunt of his anger and protect my new home!” By now the two were yelling “It's my turn to play diplomat, Bucky, and there's nothing you can do so just let it go!”

“Fine! Go!” The kitchen was silent as the two ex-criminals slowly calmed down.

“Just….just don't tell anyone where i'm going ok? I don't want any of them to worry.”

“How long?” Bucky finally accepted his friend's decision and hoped nothing bad would happen.

“I'm casting a no harm spell over the tower and occupants, also the fake me will be around so no one will notice my absence, it should last two and a half weeks. If I'm not back by then, or if my clone disappears before the set time you should either start a search or assume I'm dead.” Loki put the magic in place as he spoke.

“Dead?!? Loki don't joke like that”

“I assure you Bucky, I'm not I wasn't a small service and make sure everyone finds happiness.”

“Loki...i don't think...” Bucky's hands were shaking

“Promise. Me.” the god demanded looking as fierce as he did two years ago when he was under Thasos's control, Bucky silently nodded his consent and Loki gave his look-a-like some last minute orders before teleporting away. 

Bucky watched the imposter bumble around the kitchen getting it's bearings for a few moments before he walked away with a huff, he was going to the training grounds to let off some steam, and hopefully get his mind off any peril his best friend could fall into in the next two and a half weeks.


	2. New News and Missing Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> missing Loki causes surprising DRAMA  
> but then again its Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for any bad language!

Although Loki claimed his spell work would last two and a half weeks at best, on the second day the clone faded away while talking to Bruce. Bucky knew Loki was probably watching from a safe distance, but the others began to get a little suspicious and and on the fifth day the assassins trio was interrogating Bucky.

“You were the last one with him,” Clint reminded when asked why they were questioning said winter soldier, by said winter Soldier.

“Actually I think Bruce was talking to him last.” Bucky reminded hoping they would just let him go.

“We know the difference between our Mommy and one of his clones!” Natasha yelled, it had been ten days without any word from Loki and she was worried something bad had happened. Her worry had not had the best impact on her abilities to remain neutral, and the others were beginning to feed off the negative energy. 

The stress was getting to everyone in the tower, and all of them were moody and often times hostile with one another, each trying, and failing, to find the lost god, in fact the only ones not worried sick were Thor, Bucky, and Bruce. Bucky because Loki explained the situation to him beforehand, Thor because he had placed a tracker on his smaller brother a couple thousand years ago without the others knowledge, and Bruce because Thor gave regular updates, since he didn't wasn't the Other Guy to go on a rampage looking for his margarita buddy. 

And because Thor told Bruce everything, he couldn't help it, every time he looked into the soft brown eyes of the doctor his resolve melted and all his secrets came flowing out, almost against his will, since Thor and Bruce were out, Natasha had rounded up her brothers to “talk” to the suspiciously calm Bucky.

“Come on Tasha,” Phil patted the his sister on the shoulder as she tried to get her emotions back under control “we’ll find him, we just need to keep it together long enough” Bucky flinched when Phil turned his dead gaze onto him and he knew if he didn't give them what they wanted it was going to end badly.

Glancing over to Steve Bucky prayed he could get his “kids” in check before they started using anything sharp, but the Captain had a jaded look and Bucky knew he was fucked. Surprisingly the trio did let him go, and Bucky managed another two days of having each agent ambush him with threats and false promises at random moments in the day, but when they sent Tony to talk to him he couldn't hold his silence anymore.

“Come on Bucks tell me where he is,” Tony pleaded from his side of the couch.

“I made a promise,” Bucky refused to look at the sure to be pitiful sight of Tony Stark begging. They were in Bucky’s personalized apartment of the tower, Stark made sure everyone had one filled with anything you could need except a kitchen or living room. The team had decided it was for the best, they wanted to have personal space but didn't want to end up distancing themselves either. It was an unwritten rule that you didn't go into someone else's space unless they invited you. 

The trio of death respected the silent rule, but Tony had broken one of the most important rules of the tower, claiming if he paid for it he could do whatever he damned well pleased, and, after two hours of one sided banter, practically begged Bucky for information on Loki’s where abouts.

“I know and I respect that I really do,” Tony bit his lip and looked down at his feet, not quite sure how to go on,

“But?” Bucky offered finally noticing how much trouble Stark was having, it was cute.

“But, Steve is having a conniption over this and i just want him happy, ya know?” Tony smiled softly as he met the Bucky's eyes and spoke about another man, and, if Bucky was being completely honest, it hurt, he had had a crush on Tony for a while now. Barnes figured if Stark was willing to break a Tower Rule for Steve he must feel pretty strong for the guy, and it sounds like Steve had been spending a lot of free time with the genius, which sucked considering Loki had a thing for The Man Stuck in Time.

“...Not that i would mind cause i don't hate you or anything, but Steve and Loki have the ‘married-with-kids’ thing going, and i think he would feel better knowing SOMETHING-” Bucky had zoned out for a moment and decided to cut the playboy off.

“He went to see Fury about some things” Bucky wanted him gone so he could schedule a Margarita Night with Bruce, he was going to need it. Tony seemed shocked at the news, but he was also confused at why Bucky was ignoring his attempts to ask the other man out, he could've sworn…

“Uh, thanks, I’ll, uh, go tell Steve to stop worrying.” Tony said as he got off the couch, he quickly and silently left the apartment after that, thinking over the last bit of conversation. 

When Tony left Steve was pacing the large family room, periodically glancing to the kitchen, mumbling under his breath and rubbing a hand across his jaw. When Tony found him, on the other hand, he was sitting in the small kitchen nook looking like a kicked puppy, staring down an unopened bottle of tequila.

“Hey Cap, holding up ok?” Tony treaded lightly, the last time they talked about Loki’s disappearing act he not only almost lost one of his only friends he came very close to getting a shield to the the face.

“What if he got taken by Thanos again, and is being tortured somewhere?” Steve looked up sad as hell and tony couldn't help his next comment.

“Thanos? Your thinking worst case scenarios again, aren't you?” Tony sighed as he felt the beginnings of another headache, “No, no Thanos, but there is a real chance he's getting tortured right now.”

“What?” Steve was VERY confused, but quickly processed Tony's last words. 

“We need to go help him!” 

“Relax cowboy, Bucky gave me the four-one-one, he's fine.”

Steve wasn't processing the information very well, mostly because of the new age slang, but eventually asked, “You got Bucky to talk? What did he say?!?”

“Calm down”, Tony could handle a happy bouncing Cap., but the slightly pissed and a whole lot of panicked Cap. he couldn't and waited, watching as the man in front of him did as instructed.

“I’ll have Jarvis show you the whole thing.” Tony opened the bottle as Jarvis spoke overhead.

“Yes sir, would you like commentary?”

“Absolutely,” Steve didn't wasn't to over analyze the whole situation and was glad Jarvis was willing to do it for him.

“The clip starts out with Tony plopping down next to the more muscular man and tries to start a conversation, but when that fails, it shows Sir begging for information-” Jarvis is cut off b a whinny Tony 

“I was NOT begging!”

“- on your behalf. It then appears Bucky is in deep thought as Sir begins stumbling in a pathetic attempt to ask Mr. Barnes on a date-”

“Jaaarrrviiiss”

“-which is interrupted by Mr. Barnes stating, and i quote ‘He went so see Fury about some things’ lead by Sir awkwardly muttering something before he rushes out” Jarvis finishes sounding waaay too judgmental on Tony's actions for an Artificial Intelligence.

“Fury hates Loki.” Steve comments confused as to why Fury and Loki would be meeting up for any reason, And Ignores Tony threatening Jarvis.

“Hey tell the kids Mommies Fine.” Tony finally turned back to talk to Steve.

“You know they don't listen to their father,” Steve joked, leaning back in his seat “The boys are both Mommas boys, and Natasha? Well she might as well be one of the boys, what with the way she worships her Mother and all.” The two men chuckled, and Steve took the bottle from Tony's hands and dook a mighty swig.

“Seriously though, you can't keep worrying like this, he'll come back when he's ready, have a little patience yea?” Tony advised, finally sounding his age for once.

“Yea,” Steve breathed before changing the subject “So you finally tried to make a move on old iron fist eh?” Tony groaned.

“Come on Cap. you saw the clip, he completely blew me off- and not in the way I wanted.”

“You did invade his space without asking.” Steve pointed out in a very Captain-Obvious-y way.

“Yea, but he didn't start to get that far away look until I mentioned how upset you were and how I was trying to make you happy...hmm” Tony got his own far away look while Steve looked at him like he was the most unintelligent being he had ever met.

“Did you say it just like that?” Tony turned at the ‘I'm-so-done-with-your-shit’ tone the Cap. had directed at him.

“Yeah, i did, and i meant it too, you were starting to freak me out and- what's wrong?”

Steve face palmed himself before laughing hysterically.

“I know you're a genius,” a pause for more laughter “But you are the stupidest man!” queue holding sides and wiping of tears “I have EVER met!” aaaaand die out to giggles and red faced amusement.

“What? what'd I do?” Tony for the first time in a while couldn't figure something out.

“He probably thinks you have feelings for me….Holy SHIT! do you have feelings for me? Because it's cool that you do but I kinda have my hopes set on someone else, and-” Now it was Tony's turn to laugh.

“Ohhh, do tell,” Tony grinned as Steve's face went from an amused ruby to an embarrassed merlot. “Who's the lucky person to ensnare and captivate the ever elusive Captain America?” Steve panicked, he knew tony wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted, so Cap did the best he could do with what he had, and lied.

“Maria! it's Maria Hill!” 

“Furies right hand? You're interested in a WOMAN who is basically Fury with a-”

“TONY!” Steve quickly interrupted “She's a lady!”

“She also hates Loki,” Tony defended, and watched as Steve's eye twitched at the mention of the absent man. Bingo.

“Anyway,” Tony takes the bottle back, “Now that you know he's safe what are you going to do?”

“But I don't REALLY know he's safe, do I?” Steve leaned forward holding his chin in the heel of his hand.

“Yeah, but you could always talk to your girl, Maria, for that” Tony teased.

“Nah, it's like you said before, she hates Loki.” Steve casually shot back crinkling his nose.

“Well,” Tony's left eyebrow rose as he also placed his head on his hands 

“On the bright side you can stop bugging me with your crazy ‘the-guy-I-like-but-don’t-is-in-danger’ stories.” 

“Whaaaat?” Steve did a wonderful imitation of a minion, “I'm don't like Loki, were just really good friends”

“Friends who have a pretend marriage with assassin children” Tony was now being a condescending little shit.

“Hey!” Steve really needed to think before he spoke “It's real to me!”

“What?” Tony barely held his laughter in “That means you're cheating on your ‘wife’ with Maria!” and there goes Tony's self control.

“Well, I mean…. It's not...” Steve stumbled for a way to retract his last comment without digging a deeper grave “I'M NOT GAY!” 

screaming that probably wasn't for the best but it did sober tony up pretty well

“Ok, first of all your a terrible liar, second, you clearly have feelings for Loki if you take the fake marriage thing seriously, and third of all, it's the twenty first century Cap., it's ok to be gay now.”

“I know," Steve was getting exasperated “Clint and Natasha made a PowerPoint and made me take notes” Steve hoped his embarrassment would be enough to take Starks attention away from his hopeless love life.

“Great," Tony took a sip of last of the tequila they had been sharing handing the rest to Steve, and waited for him to relax before he continued, “How long have you had feelings for Loki?” Steve choked and Tony patted the poor man on the back.

“Come on I told you when I had a thing for Bucky” Tony waited way too long for this information and now that he had a chance of getting what he wanted he wasn't about to let go.

“Fine, you remember when I had left for a few months with Sam?” Steve waited for Tony's head nod before he continued “Well when I first got back, everyone greeted Bucky back with a face full of weapons.”

“He was dangerous!” Tony defended with crossed arms.

“Everyone but Loki,” Steve continued as if Tony had never spoke “Loki stepped in front of everyone with a plate of cookies, a big smile, and a ‘Welcome to the Family’ hug.” Steve had a dreamy little smile on his face and Tony was glad his friend finally confided in him.

“Great we’ll ask them out on a double date when Loki gets back” Tony clapped Steve on the back, both in high spirits

“Sir,” Jarvis spoke from above “I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as i understand, Master Bucky and Mister Loki are already in a relationship.”

“WHAT?!?” Tony and Steve yelled at the ceiling together.

“Well,” Jarvis spoke sounding slightly nervous “Natasha had me download a bunch of Russian soap operas and according to my scanners they MIGHT be in a secret relationship” Jarvis knew he was lying, but he did so love romantic drama, and he did exchange negotiations with Loki. Loki got to keep all conversations private and Jarvis got a personality and everything spell enhanced.

“Oh,” Cap bowed his head in sadness, accepting defeat

“Oh?” Tony was pissed “No, ‘oh’, Jarvis clearly said MIGHT, that means we still have a chance, and we aren't going down without a fight!”

“You know what?” Steve look just as determined as Tony “You're right! We should keep trying ‘till we get what's ours!”

“That's the spirit Sir!” Jarvis encouraged from the ceiling, and the two, with the help of Jarvis, spent the rest of the night coming up with ways to get their one and only true love- Jarvis's words- even if they did like the sound of it.

It had been a few days since Steve spread the news about Loki’s location, and the kids had gone to headquarters in hopes of catching a glimpse of their Mother. Natasha went in to finally teach that class of trainees she'd been avoiding, Clint went in to play with the new shipment of arrows- and Natasha's trainees, and Phil went just to do his regular job.

Clint watched from the rafters as Natasha attempted to teach the idiots how to defend themselves.

“Alright,” she tried to sound positive, but they sucked way too badly “How about we try two lessons at once, I'm going to put you in a scenario where you actually have to defend yourselves while also teaching you to keep a level head ok?” Clint chuckled at the confused glances of the cadets.

“Try to piss her off” he yelled out helpfully.

“You’re fat?” one cadet spoke and easily dodged the fist that flew towards his face

“Good” Natasha encouraged and soon all the cadets were defending and laughing.

“You’re ugly!”

“You’re the worst Avenger EVER!”

“You should've stayed in the kitchen!”

“Your Moms a fat dirty whore!”

The last trainee who spoke was instantly pinned to the wall by an arrow to the shoulder.

“What did you say about our Ma?” Clint's voice was deadly calm and Natasha brought out one of her throwing knives- a gift from Loki, her mother. The other almost-agents left the room to get the first agent they came across- Phil Coulson

“Hey! What's going on in here?” the knife was only centimeters from one of the kids eye, and Phil really didn't want to fill out any paperwork on two rogue agents.

“He called our Mommy a dirty whore” Natasha informed, confident her brother wouldn't try to stop her. As predicted Phil joined his other siblings in teaching the whiny cunt a lesson. Laughing sadistically he took out his own, personalized pillywinks and tongue tearer- another gift from their saint of a Mother.

After three hours someone had finally ran to fetch them after watching the three began to force the idiot to perform The Judas Cradle. Before they could tie the poor boy down their Daddy had ran in began yelling at them, and it took the combined effort of both Thor and The Hulk to drag them from the room. They dropped the crazed children in the cage Shield had around, in case The Hulk ever needed to be contained. 

The group noticed something that appeared to be another cage with a sheet thrown over the top, and were curios, but when pained moans sounded from the other side of the sheet they all assumed they placed the injured cadet there and all easily ignored the other being.

“What do you have to say for yourselves?” Steve began scolding his three delinquents.

“He called Ma a dirty fat whore” Clint recited. Steve went calm for moment, and after ten minutes of struggling against Thor's hold, was locked up next to the other three certified torturers. Thor decided the four need a LOT of time to cool down, so he took it upon himself to calm the jolly green giant outside of the Hulk cage. It took, eight hours, 19 smashed walls, three broken employees, and fifty seven shattered windows, but he finally did it. 

The next morning was welcomed by most of the tower dwellers attempting and failing to make something edible for breakfast- they had grown accustomed to ordering food in Loki's absence but today they had a craving for something homemade. When suddenly Thor and Bruce burst from the elevator- they had been held at Shield for the night, in case Clint, Phil, or Natasha decided to sneak back in- and began to telling the group what Loki was planning on doing. The words were all jumbled due to the Thor's over over dramatization and Bruce trying to talk and soothe the thunder at the same time, but, with help from the others, they eventually calmed Thor down enough to tell them whatever had him so panicked.

“Fury is sending Loki to Asgard, to hold court with Father on behalf of Midgard!” The news finally erupted from Thor in an articulate fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have used some terms not a lot of people may be familiar with and I thought that I should explain some of them ~
> 
> The Judas Cradle
> 
> Closely related to impalement, this gruesome punishment entailed having the victim sit on the pyramid-shaped cradle, after which they would be forced down on it by ropes with the intent of stretching the victim’s orifice over a long period of time, slowly impaling them. To add to the overall humiliation, the victim was usually naked and the device was rarely washed. So if the torture did not kill you, the infection contracted from it would.
> 
> Tongue Tearer
> 
> Looking like an oversized pair of scissors, it could effortlessly cut the victim’s tongue. Their mouth would be forced opened with a device called a mouth opener, and then the iron tongue tearer would uncomfortably twitch the tongue with its rough grippers. Once a firm hold was maintained, the screw would be firmly tightened and the victim’s tongue would roughly be torn out.
> 
> Thumbscrew
> 
> Though there are many variations of this torture device, the thumbscrew or ‘pillywinks’ all function the same. They were designed to slowly crush not only the fingers and toes, but larger devices were also used to crush knees and elbows. There is also the Head Crusher, which could do the same for heads. It’s primary intention was to extract confessions from victims and it was first used in medieval times.


	3. Magical Gifts and Their Backstories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki becomes Oprah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some lord of the rings facts, Norse myth facts, and others are present. some have been manipulated to fit the story. some are completely made up. sorry.

“Why cant you go in his place?” Phil questioned from counter he was silently leaning on.

“Might I remind you, Sparky, your ‘father’ wants Loki’s head on a stake” Tony's voice oozed with sarcasm, but also an edge of bitterness that reflected the emotions of most the people in the room

“Can we stop him?” Steve commented as he began to pace the carpet- again.

“Father has demanded I stay on Midgard for the time being.” Thor glanced apologetically around the room filled with his closest friends, ignoring everyone but Phil’s comment.

“I only have one question,” Natasha felt better taking most of her anger on the cadet yesterday, and was calmer as she spoke to Thor, but everyone could tell her crazy could be unleashed at any moment if he answered wrong “ Are you and Fury sending my Mommy to her death?” 

“Yes” Bruce answered seeing the torn expression in Thor's eyes

“You have no right to call him your Brother." Clint spat, and Thor flinched guiltily, “Your betrayal is exactly why he fell the first time.” 

“All he ever wanted was a brother who would protect and love him.” Natasha made sure to pile on a little extra guilt too.

“And this is how you repay him? By giving him to the father who always told him he could never be good enough?” Steve actually wants answers.

“The same father who taught him to hate himself, whipping him for wanting a little love, while you played merrily with The Warriors Three?” Phil just wants to be mean.

“he was always compared to you, yet he worshipped the ground you walked on.” And Clint always get the last word. 

“Ok,” Bruce decided to take mercy on the thundering god “Lets go after him.”

“How?” Bucky questions from the countertop he perched upon.

“We come up with a way to get Fury to send us to Asgard” 

“Not going to happen,” Natasha turned away from the slumped over Thor, “if Fury's the one who sent him he's not going to want anyone interfering.”

“What if we convince Fury that Loki wants to take over Midgard again?” Tony quickly began formulating a plan, he desperately wanted Loki's cooking back.

“because if we do mange to bring him back,” Phil informed the group “he would be put under observation and used as a test subject”

“How do you know?” Steve stopped pacing as he asked his question, putting everyone's attention on the agent.

“Because Shield has been wanting to do experiments ever since Thor showed up.” Phil took a moment to take a sip of coffee before continuing “When he ended up being a hero they realized they would have to wait to take you out, fortunately an evil alien- Loki- showed up, unfortunately he was sent back to your realm, and when he does finally return, he’s under Avengers protection and adopts three of the best assassins on the face of the earth.”

“That does not explain why they would wasn't my brother now.” Thor is getting frustrated trying to come up for a solution to solve their new Loki problem.

“They can't have you, so they have been waiting for Loki to slip up, so they can do whatever they want without anyone questioning them” Natasha explained her entire being completely jaded except for the slight narrowing of her eyes and clenched fists

“But,” Bruce spoke up, turning to the facts for a solution “Wouldn't the protection of the Avengers and the fact he adopted Shield's best agents, at least cause a little hesitation?”

“It's not a legal adoption” Steve reminds continuing his pacing.

“Not true,” Clint informed the Super Solider.

“When Momma found out the three of us, at one point or another, was forced to get rid of any documentation of our existence, he used his magic to make new birth certificates with his name on them.” Phil smiled softly at his short story.

“He said we wouldn't ever have to hide from him” Natasha moved over to where Clint was and flicked his ear playfully, the tension temporarily forgotten.

“We gave him a marriage certificate,” Clint jostles Natasha back “You know, for the parent joke?” He sobered up as he looked to the man he considered his father.

“He signed the wife's side, left the husband's side, and framed it.” Natasha studied the Caps reaction to the new information, she was pleased with the sparkle of hope in his eyes. “Keeps it hung up next to our certificates in his room.” She added, hoping he understood that the three of them actually wanted the five of them to be a true, legal family.

“Wait,” Thor leapt to his feet with sudden realization “Did he give any of you a gift of any sorts?” he spoke to everyone in the room, not just his niece and two nephews.

“he gave each of us one” Phil spoke for the three.

“I got something from him a couple weeks ago.” Tony confessed, confused with what this had to do with anything. 

“A couple months ago” Bruce confirmed

“Yup” Bucky agreed and Steve nodded.

“Tell me,” Thor grinned, hope skyrocketing “Do you keep them with you at all times?”

“Stuck with mine!” Bucky snorted at Tony's comment and high fived him.

“Me too” Bucky said turning to Thor, who looked around the room at the others expectantly

“Me three” Bruce added shyly, not looking at anyone.

“Yeah,” Clint added his validation “Always, won't go anywhere without it.” Natasha and Phil nodded, confirming that they also kept theirs with them at all time. Steve shifted nervously but also mumbled something about having his with him all the time too.

“What gifts did he bestow upon you?!” Thor could hardly contain his excitement, “You must show me!” he hoped Loki had given them gifts they could use th locate and retrieve his brother.

“Maybe, after work?” Phil pleads as he notices how late for work he is.

“Yeah,” Tony agrees “I wasn't to go down to the lab with Bruce here to see of we can make a portal to your home planet.”

“Me and Nat. have to go apologize to the cadets from yesterday anyway” Clint commented as the group dispersed leaving a pouting, plotting Thor behind. 

“Lady Widow,” They had just finished dinner and had just cleared the table to talk about the earlier topic when Thor had spoken up. “Would you like to start?” He held his hand out expectantly, but after a moment he told himself they probably wouldn't want to let go of what whatever his brother had furnished them with, and silently retracted his hand.

“Uh,” Natasha didn't really trust Thor not to take her trinket but brought it out to be seen anyway “I got this ring with weird writing on it” she pulled a ring, glinting on the chain she kept around her neck at all times under her clothes- literally Lord of the Rings ring.

“Amazing.” Thor commended, noticing one of his brothers more reserved magical objects in the hand of this moral both worried and thrilled him.

“Yeah, I guess” Natasha didn't know how but, according to Thor's face, it actually was pretty ‘amazing’, and that pleased her very much. She quietly placed her ring back under her shirt as Clint spoke up about his own gift.

“I got this bombastic bracelet” Clint shoved his shirtsleeve up to his elbow to show an intricate band of what appeared to be seven different types of leather braided and woven around a pair of silver wings that were so detailed the group waited for them to flutter against Clint's flesh, and, nestled in the leather, around the wings were numerous tiny stones.

“Great!” Thor couldn't believe their good fortune “Who's next?”

“Well,” Phil put his coffee mug down to show his own gift “I also got a ring” he pulled the ring off as he spoke, it was a silver serpent looped over for the finger and wound into an elaborate knot, leaving the head to appear as if ready to strike, but is stopped by a ball of rune marked amber.

Thor gasped as he examined Phil’s ring in amazement, “He couldn't have….” as he trailed off he handed Phil his ring back “Put them on the table if you can” he asked. Natasha and Phil reluctantly did as he was told, but Clint found he couldn't take his ‘bombastic’ bracelet off, so, shrugging, he settled for setting his mostly uncovered wrist on the tabletop instead.Thor was honestly confused at this point, all of these mortals had ancient magic that his brother had given to them and they acted as if they were simple baubles.

“Me next!” Tony sounded like a child on Christmas morning as he slipped his shirt off. Along the ribs of his right side was a black scorch mark of an unknown symbol followed by more unknown writing of some sort.

“It's black?” Thor realized why his friends weren't as amazed with their gifts as they should have been, they didn't know Loki had bestowed upon them power that could bring all Gods to their knees. “Bucky, what about you?”

Bucky also took his shirt off, revealing a giant wolf howling, taking up most of his back, surrounded by weird Asgardian runes above his heart. Reading the runes Thor gasped to himself again, repeatedly amazed with what his brother had been willing to give to these mortals.

“My ankle got pierced” Bruce spoke gaining the attention of the now somber thunder god.

“What?” This did not match the other gifts Loki had given the others, causing Thor to rethink his theory.

“It's this thick,” Bruce placed his leg on the table everyone was sitting around like the knights from the round table “Shackle thing, it changes size so it's always in place, even when I'm the Other Guy.” the steel shackle that encompassed Bruce's ankle had three holes where it pierced his flesh all the way through, the side facing out had a large, reptilian like eye. The colors were a kaleidoscope of reds, purples, greens, blues, and yellows. Thor laughed.

“Steve it is your turn, is it not?” Thor didn't answer when questioned on his laughter choosing to address the only person not sporting something from his brother.

“Ummmm,” Steve was awkward as he removed his shirt, much like Tony and Bucky, only with a hell of a lot more reluctance. “He told me not to show my back to anyone, unless i trusted them with my life.” Thors eyebrow rose, but it was Tony who was the first to speak up.

“You don't trust us?” Steve's shirtless back stayed plastered to the back of his chair as he squirmed under their harsh stares, eventually, never answering Tony's question, he stood to straddle his seat. He never looked up from the hole he was string into the wall across from him, but he clenched a fist as he listened to the others gasps and exclamations, hoping he made the right choice.

“By the Norn's!” Thor couldn't keep this comment of disbelief to himself and practically shouted it “Do you know what adorns your back?”

“No, is it bad?” Steve was only slightly worried he had been cursed by the God of Chaos.

“No!” Thor laughed again albeit this time rather hysterically before he abruptly stood and made way to the Towers liquor cabinet. Grabbing the first two bottles he sat back down at his seat, “Would you like for me to explain the WONDERFUL things my brother has given you?” the ‘wonderful’ was somewhat sarcastic with an edge of bitterness that made the mortals worried.

“Preferably?” Bruce spoke, “Yes” he REALLY wanted to know about the eye that was a permanent fixture on his ankle.

“Well,” Thor said gesturing with one of his bottles, the amber liquid sloshing before he brought it to his lips, “None of you noticed the Lovers Marks he had placed on you.” Thor was preparing for story time and figured he might as well tell them about the marks now.

“The what?” Tony was the only one who didn't seem worried, angry, or confused at the moment.

“Lovers Marks,” Thor repeated in a condescending manner, “The Seven Diseases and their lovers The Seven Cures? The back of each of your necks are marked with a pair.”

“Can you explain what whatever you just said is?” Clint mocked Thors tone as he asked his question.

“The Seven Diseases to Befall the Gods,” Thor was no longer condescending, but authoritative as he glared the other man down, “Loki had found a new spell, I was told, if done right, he would be able to grant life to any object. I was a fool and told him I thought him mad, as I left to go train with The Warriors Three he told me he would prove me wrong. A few weeks later he came running into the training grounds, Claiming to have finally had a success to his spell, but when we demanded to see what he brought to life, and he presented a small girl, explaining she was the embodiment of vanity, we all laughed in his face calling him a liar and a sham of a sorcerer. We left him in favor of finding some food, we soon grew bored and went to go tease Loki for his failure again but when we got there he was surrounded by six small children of different Aesir races, we watched in awe as he poured something in a big basin and a child appeared, replacing the water. He named this girl Greed and rubbed a greed paste onto her forehead, we burst into the room as the girls skin went from being a strange, lifeless grey to a chocolate brown and her dead features coming to life with a huge smile for her Mother-”

“Wait,” Bruce interrupted, much to the displeasure of the people enjoying the story.

“What?” Natasha was irked when the doctor didn't continue right away

“I think Loki is the Mother of The Seven Deadly Sins.” Bruce didn't want any confrontation tonight.

“Of course he fucking is” Phil could just see all the paperwork he would have to fill out over the hero’s ‘story-time’.

“We have siblings?” Clint was amazed, he always wanted a big family.

“Could you hold off on planning the family reunion for just a little while?” Tony wanted the rest of the story now damn it “Thor, if you'd be so kind as to continue please”

“Certainly,” Thor loved to tell tales of the happier times with Loki, “I was the one to give them the title of The Seven Lovely Sisters a few centuries later, and men came from all over to try to claim one of the maidens hands, unfortunately they, like their Mother, enjoyed creating a little chaos The only one immune to their powers was Loki, and after a few years of mayhem The Allfather had renamed them The Seven Deadly Diseases of the Gods, and given them a hundred years to marry and stop messing with Aesir men, if they failed they would have a curse placed upon each of them and banished. After eighty years Loki feared for his daughters and used the same spell from before to create the perfect spouse for each woman, The Seven Cures to the Deadly Disease-”

“That is very original! Good for him.” Bucky’s sarcastic comment was loudly shushed, and the group this temporary pause as an opportunity to move the the living room, where Clint made a giant nest and Tony popped popcorn. Once everyone was settled comfortably Thor continued.

“Odin had told Loki that they must find their own grooms, without his meddling magic-”

“Asshole.” Tony muttered just loud enough to be heard by Phil who let out a loud snort that was cut off halfway by Natasha shoving popcorn into his largest face hole.

“Regrettably, none of them were able to find a man to settle down with, and Odin, true to his word, had them separately punished, but, mercifully he allowed them to marry the loves Loki had created for them, before they were all banished from the realm. Loki was devastated and locked himself into his chambers for seven days, and when he finally came out he told me they were all safe but he wouldn't tell me anymore no matter how much i pestered him, and no one has seen the Sisters since.”

“But we have the Lovers Marks!” Clint enthused “That means Loki trusted us with The Sisters!”

“And their husbands,” Bruce reminded “That's fourteen extra people we have to keep safe, if were going to go through with our rescue mission.” 

Thors thundering laughter filled the room, “You don't keep them safe, they protect you, besides they are not PEOPLE, you hold the powers of each Disease.”

“If Loki had power over The Seven Deadly Sins we really don't need to protect him, we basically rule the world now.” Natasha added smiling “Besides, The Sins are are married to, what Thor called, The Cures, which means we also have The Seven Heavenly Virtues on our side too.”

“Awesome,” Tony sounded like a ten year old receiving the video game he had been pining over, “Which Mark do I have? I want to know everything!”

“Yea!” the rest of the group cheered for more stories.

“Well,” Thor started leaning back “why don't i explain your gift and mark at the same time?”

“Ohhh,” Bucky liked this idea “I forgot about the gifts.”

“You're still shirtless,” Phil pointed to Bucky disbelievingly, “How did you forget?”

“Shhh!” Tony shushed nipping the argument in the bud, “I'm going to learn about my gifts.”

“Tony,” Thor started in his booming storytelling voice “Bestowed upon you is The Mark of Vosesisahm and The Forbidden Control of Fhurmerahm. They grant you the powers of: a mixture of future seeing and all knowing wisdom, immortality, and you control Fate.”

“I'm IMMORTAL?!” Tony slept around excitedly, bragging to the others of his never-ending life.

“You all are” Thor deadpanned “You're not special, sit back down.” Tony pouted as he did as he was told, the others laughing at the face he pulled.

“Can you tell me about mine?” Phil asked wanting to know about his snake ring.

“You have Jörmungandr literally wrapped around your finger,” Thor was amused as he said this and took a drink of the last bottle of alcohol residing in the nest.

“Who?” Phil wasn't familiar with mythical or magical things, and he now wished he had paid attention at the debriefing they had had on them.

“Jörmungandr is another of Loki’s children,” Thor explained “He is a giant serpent who protects Midgard from foreign attacks and The Allfathers wrath.”

“How?” Clint butted in.

“The realm is held in Jörmungandr’s hold at all times, whether it be protectively in his mouth as he slithers between cosmos or wrapped around his body as he fights deadly foes. This is why I was one of the first to visit your realm, everyone else had not sought out Loki’s blessing, and was easily killed by your serpentine protector.”

“I thought you were banished?” Steve asked confused once more “How did you get your brothers blessing?”

“Wow, Odin really likes banishing people.” 

“Yes, Man of Iron, you are correct, he enjoys the drama a good banishing creates,” Thor chuckled as he regarded Tony's snark, “Odin had me cloaked in Loki’s sent before I was cast out. Jörmungandr hates me but, as all his children do, adores his mother Loki. Jörmungandr tried to destroy the realm if he knew i was residing here without Loki’s knowledge.”

“So,” Bucky came to a quick conclusion “Loki pretty much owns our whole realm?”

“Yes.” Thor didn't see much problem in this fact at all.

“Now,” Thor quickly went back to finishing Phil's question, “While the stone on your ring represents the realm symbolically, it’s also the still beating heart of The Goddess Who Must Not be Named, however most know her as Fates lover Fortune-”

“MORE STORY!!” Clint is very excited and very drunk right now.

“I will tell you about Fate and Fortune,” Thor easily agreed to the demanding bird, “They both have a gambling addiction, and are the perfect opponents, it is said that he cannot be cheated and she cannot be beaten. Fortune, having many titles, is often called The Million to One Chance, Karma, or, my personal favorite, Lady Luck. She is constantly opposed to her lover Fate, and she is just as difficult to understand, although where he is implacable, she is considered to be capricious. Her appearance is hard to determine. Not many have witnessed her in person, and the few that have were not able to agree upon what she had looked like, other than that she "appeared to be beautiful" and had green eyes. Her eyes are her defining feature, since Loki had taken her power to change the nature of her eyes they stay green from edge to edge, without iris or pupil. The Lady’s favour instantly disappears if she believes someone is relying on her, or calls her by name -though it is stated that she is attracted to the sound of dice. Since everyone believes in her, she does not need to be worshipped, and would regard such a thing as taking her for granted, the Guild of Gamblers members attempted to worship her some millennia ago, and it led to them dying within a week, proving that being lucky doesn't necessarily mean having good luck. As such it should be noted that she is behind all good AND ill fortune. On the other hand we have Fate, he is still considered one of the most implacable gods, and very difficult to understand. He looks like a pleasant, middle-aged man, much like Bruce, but his eyes are starry voids. It is possible ,although difficult, to bargain with him, but proverbially impossible to cheat him, although this has only been done once. He is known to play games and always plays to win. He also plays against other gods; but The Lady is said to be not only his lover but his only serious rival, as Fate always wins when the players stick to the rules. It is also noted that gods never play by the rules. His Temple is situated in the Gods' Quarter of Ankh-Morpork. It's a small, heavy, leaden temple, where hollow-eyed and gaunt worshippers meet on dark nights for predestined and fairly pointless rites.The couple is often playing games with mortals as pawns, where The Lady never sacrifices a pawn, always playing to win, and Fate rather likes trying not to lose.”

“That doesn't explain why Loki has the power to bestow their powers onto others.” Jarvis spoke, impatiently, from above.

“Thats because he doesn't have their POWERS,” Thor loves to be condescending today “He owns THEM.”

“Again, HOW?” Clint was starting to think his Ma didn't need a rescue team.

“He played them for it.” There's that tone again “Loki was the only demigod to cheat him out of a prize and for that Fate hates him, however you gotta give him some props, since Loki IS, despite everything, one of her favourites. He’s the one who started the commonly-held superstition among gamblers that if they talk about their luck it will desert them, and she can't thank him enough for it. Given Loki’s fondness for setting things in opposition it doesn't surprise me he had separated the lovers.”

“So,” Phil was still confused “I have to deal with a world saving snake, Lady Luck, and a Lovers Mark that gives me unknown powers and a terrible curse?”

“Oh!” Thor sat up in revelation “I forgot to tell you who’s mark you have!”

“You forgot mine too.” Tony is still pouting a little.

“Son of Coul, you have Envy. Like greed and lust, she is characterized by an insatiable desire. She is basically a desire to deprive other men of theirs. With her powers come her husband-”

“KINDNESS!!” The rest of the Avenges cheered happy to finally know something in this conversation without Thor telling them first.

“-Patience and he is famous for forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully. He is the master of forgiveness.”

“Thats not the Virtue that matches the Sin though.” Bucky, as equally as drunk as Clint, who was leaning on him for support, even though they were laying down, sounded sad.

“Of course not,” Thor was tired of teaching the mortals things, “Envy and Kindness hate each other”

“What’s their Curse?” Phil hadn't drank any of the booze and was soberly enthralled by his gifts.

“ Envy has had her eyes pinned open, so she can forever look at all the things she will never have. She constantly has bloody tears trail down her face, the least her husband can do is make sure she doesn't ruin the things she DOES have. He keeps her tears from touching her clothing by catching them in a golden chalice, which he happily drinks from when it gets filled to the brim.”

“Ewww,” Tony still acting as a child complained, “I bet mines better.”

“You got Avarice, she is also known as Greed, and is applied to a very excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of material possessions. Hoarding of materials or objects, theft and robbery, especially by means of violence, trickery, or manipulation of authority are all actions that may be inspired by Greed. She married Humility, who is most known for his modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. He believes in not thinking less of yourself, but in thinking of yourself less. He rules over Courage and the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, to graciously accept the sacrifices involved, and have reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love.” Thor took a long breath before continuing “The Curse befallen Greed was because she is known for her abilities to manipulate and steal, and because of that she has had her throat cut open and her vocals ripped out, and 4 golden bells placed around her neck, her arms, and her ankles. She talks through her lover and has a tendency to hit people when she doesn't get her way.”

“Ok,” Natasha snickered at Tony’s tone, “Not better.”

“You lady Widow have The One Ring and the mark of Lust.” Thor turned to the snickering woman to inform her of her own gift.

“The ring from Lord of the Rings?” Steve asked before Thor could delve into more facts.

“You've seen Lord of the Rings, but you still haven't seen Star Trek?” Clint was not happy with this development in his father's ‘catching-up-with-the-times’.

“I haven't seen either,” Bucky raised his hand “So, if someone could explain?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Bruce volunteered, “The One Ring was forged by the Dark Lord Sauron during the Second Age to gain dominion over the free peoples of Middle-earth. In disguise as Annatar, or "Lord of Gifts", he aided the Elven smiths of Eregion and their leader Celebrimbor in the making of the Rings of Power. He then forged the One Ring himself in the fires of Mount Doom. Sauron intended it to be the most powerful of all Rings, able to rule and control those who wore the others. Since the other Rings were themselves powerful, Sauron was obliged to place much of his own power into the One to achieve his purpose. Creating the Ring simultaneously strengthened and weakened Sauron's power. On the one hand, as long as Sauron had the Ring, he could control the power of all the other Rings, and thus he was significantly more powerful after its creation than before; and putting such a great portion of his own power into the Ring ensured Sauron's continued existence so long as the Ring existed. On the other hand, by binding his power within the Ring, Sauron became dependent on it—without it his power was significantly diminished.”

“But what does it do?” Bucky seemed unimpressed.

“domination of the wills of their users, effectively invisible except to those able to perceive the non-physical world, acquire an aura of terrible power, ability to read minds, 

extend the life of a mortal possessor, and prevention of natural aging.” Steve listed helpfully.

“Seriously?” Clint yanked on his hair in frustration.

“Not that the last two matter anymore anyways.” Pouty Tony was back.

“Tell me about Lust.” Natasha turned back to her uncle.

“Lust is also known as lechery, and is an intense and uncontrolled desire. It is usually thought of as uncontrolled sexual wants, however, it was soon discovered, the word was originally a general term for desire. Therefore, Lust also controls the uncontrolled desire for money, food, fame, or power. She fell in love with Kindness. He is often times mistaken for his brother Charity, probably because he enjoys compassion and friendship for its own sake. He is responsible for both Empathy and Trust, and believes in unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite. he always has a positive outlook and cheerful demeanor, in hopes of inspiring kindness in others.”

“And her Curse?” Natasha spoke again to ask a question

“Her torso, thighs, and upper arms have been covered in hideous, silver scales, she attempts to hide her body from everyone but her husband.”

“Thats not so bad.” Bruce attempted to be optimistic, “What about me?”

“Your Mark is,” Thor started “ Wrath.”

“Of course,” Bruce was now apparently a pessimist “I just love Loki’s sense of humor.”

“ She is also known as "rage",” Thor continued, “And may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. Wrath, in her purest form, presents with self-destructiveness, violence, and hate that may provoke feuds that can go on for centuries. Wrath may persist long after the person who did another a grievous wrong is dead. Feelings of anger can manifest in different ways, including impatience, revenge, and self-destructive behavior. He is the only sin not necessarily associated with selfishness or self-interest, although one can of course be wrathful for selfish reasons, such as jealousy. . In its original form, the sin of wrath also encompassed anger pointed internally as well as externally. she is the lover of Chastity , he is known for his discretion of sexual conduct according to one's state in life, or the practice of courtly love. Prefers cleanliness and his jurisdiction is Honesty - be honest with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and to all of humanity. Wrath, forever, has blood splattered across her person ,and a scarlet strip of hatred painted across her eyes, her husband must remind her constantly of their love so she won't kill him or herself in a fit of rage. Now, for your other gift, it is the Dragon named Dagurashibanipal”

“I have a Dragon attached to my ankle?” Bruce was staring at the appendage in wonder.

“Essentially? Yes,” Thor answered, “Loki had acquired as an egg from a mysterious, hooded stranger in the ever burning realm, Muspelheim, and is supposedly the hatchling of The queen Natsunomeryu II and the ever imperious and infamous Smaug. She was hatched in Daenerys Garyen Tavern a couple centuries ago, and is believed to be the last of her kind.”

“What can she do?” Steve was ever curious and always loved Dragons.

“She’s a throwback, retaining an unusually large amount of intelligence and has an unnatural urge to learn, rather than fight. It has been prophesied that, as The Celestial Dragon queen, she is to ultimately mate with an unknown male Dragon named Icefyre and save the dragon race.”

“Can we see her?” Tony has the sudden urge to ride a Dragon.

“Well,” THor started, “When Bruce summons her, you'll have to ask him.”

“What does she look like” Clint was in awe of Bruce's awesome gift.

“ Dagurashibanipal is a cream-white, female dragon, with a mane of golden, razor sharp spines running down her neck. Named to match the black crescent mark on her head, she possesses the ability to change size, revert to human form at will, summon and control storms, store and channel lightning, manipulate human minds, has mastered all the known elements, and has the ability to conjure and wield magic.She is a kind, fierce, if need be vicious, and at times possessive Dragon, she once slaughtered The Dwarf King Khordaldrum’s clan along with the neighboring dwarf town of Yurdrok because they had kidnapped Loki and planned on murdering him.”

“Sounds like one badass motherfucker.” Tony was thoroughly impressed

“Language.” was Steve's predicted remark.

“Hey,” Phil spoke up, “How come Greed and Envy got such bad Curses?”

“Who cares?” Clint pushed Phil out of his way, “Tell me about my bracelet!”

“It is called a Agimatikaustubais,” Thor brought the boys wrist closer to his face, “The leather is from seven different magical beings.”

“Which magical beings?” Clint wanted answers and he wanted them now.

“You have Arachne who is half-spider half-female, and maybe the mother of all spiders, a Satyresses, which have human upper bodies, and the horns and hindquarters of a goat, Scylla former lover of Poseidon, transformed by Mother into a many-headed, tentacled monster who feeds on passing sailors, a Scythian Dracanae, they have the upper body of a woman, lower body composed of two snake tails,haunches of a lion, the wings of a great bird, and the face of a woman, Stymphalian Birds, they are man-eating birds with beaks of bronze and sharp metallic feathers they could launch at their victims, aTeumessian fox, orr, as they are more commonly known as ,a gigantic fox destined never to be hunted down, and lastly a Unicorn which is a beautiful horse-like creature with a magical horn on its forehead.”

“What about the stones and wings?”

“The stones consist of Baetylus- a sacred stone which was supposedly endowed with life, Cintamani- a wish-fulfilling jewel that also said to perform alchemy without an equal sacrifice being made, such as turning lead to gold, and creating something out of nothing, Stone of Giramphiel- a stone offers protection against the fiery breath of dragons and any magic resulting in the death of the possessor, Adder stone- believed to have magical powers such as protection against eye diseases or evil charms, preventing nightmares, curing whooping cough, the ability to see through fairy or witch disguises and traps if looked at through the middle of the stone, and of course recovery from snakebite, Linguarium-a mythical gemstone believed to be formed of the solidified urine of the lynx (the best ones coming from wild males), Bufoni- a mythical stone or gem thought to be found in, or produced by, a toad, and is supposed to be an antidote to poison, Gjöll- the name of the rock which Fenrir the wolf is bound, Vaidurya- most precious of all stones, sparkling beauty beyond compare, and Draconite- a mythical gemstone taken from the head of a live dragon and believed to have magical properties to control the tides. The wings, however, come from a Naddahabennu which is a shape shifting entity inhabiting the caves of the watery wastelands of jotunheim. It commonly adopts the appearance of a gigantic water bird but it can also materialise in the form of various other mythological creatures such as a water bull. A generally malevolent entity, and typically preys on livestock being transported on ships, but it is also fond of otters, of which it consumes a considerable number. In its manifestation as a water horse the creature is able to gallop across the top of seas as if on solid ground. During the summer months it is seen infrequently as a large insect, sucking the blood of horses.”

“What does it do?” Clint asked in excitement

“You can call upon the wings for flight at any time.” Thor smiled as clint looked at his wrist in wonder

“What's his mark?” Phil asked when it was clear Clint was done talking.

“He is branded with Gluttony, she is the overindulgence and overconsumption of anything to the point of waste. It is considered a sin if the excessive desire for food causes it to be withheld from the needy.She goes so far as to prepare a list of six ways to commit gluttony, comprising: Praepropere – eating too soon, Laute – eating too expensively, Nimis – eating too much, Ardenter – eating too eagerly, Studiose – eating too daintily, Forente – eating wildly.”

“Sounds like a nightmare” Bucky interjected

“She married Charity, or Generosity it some. He really likes self-sacrifice -the term should not be confused with the more restricted modern use of the word charity- to mean benevolent giving. In Asgardian theology, and his wife, Charity is the greatest of the seven virtues. Charity is in ruler of Love, but only in the sense of an unlimited loving kindness towards all others, because it is said to both glorify and reflect the nature of the Gods. Such love is self-sacrificial, and is believed to be necessary for salvation. Gluttony must, now, eat the flesh of men to avoid death, Chastity has taken it upon himself to feed her grotesque hunger, luckily for both he is a quick healer, unluckily, they have both taken a liking to the curse”

“I take back my earlier comment.” Phil winced.

“I want to hear about the stuff on Steves back” Natasha reminded them of how strongly Thor was affected by the soldiers new back art.

“Steve,” Thor began, “Would you mind turning back around, so I have something gesture to as i'm explaining?” Steve complied. Thor gestured to the giant knotted tree, the roots buried themselves into Steve's lower back, as the leaves branched out, explaining its importance before moving on to the crow perched on a scythe to the left, next the rearing eight legged horse, with more Asgardian scripture surrounding its being, and finally to the three tombstones resting amongst the roots.

“This is Tree of Life ,to the Aesir, represents the hierarchical chain of events that brought everything into existence. The spheres of the Tree of Life demonstrate the order, process, and method of creation. We believe the first Gods, Isis and Osiris, planted the tree when they found they could bear no children. It is said that the only time the couple ever visited the tree was to carve the name Ahmadiyya- meaning Tree of Life-, and lay at the base awaiting death to take them, when the tree noticed the people who planted it die, however, it took their souls and gave life to everything in existence today. The first thing it gave life to was Death, who visits the tree often to water and ensure it does not die.”

“How ironic,” Phil mused, “Death keeping something alive.”

“Yes, well next we have the tombs” Thor took a deep breath before he began the story.

“You see, Mother had been concerned with Loki’s well being when she noticed how he refused to spend time with me and The Warriors Three, and suggested he find his own warriors to battle with, in hopes of him finally finding some companions to spend time with. Loki took her advice and set out to find said warriors. He didn't come back for a thousand years, but when he did, he returned victorious, with a family of four Horseman, a mother and her three children, who agreed to come back and be his new friends and family. They were soon dubbed The Four Horseman, and were discovered to be wielders of some strange and new magic, they each had their own powers but shared certain qualities like immortality, teleportation, super strength ,and invisibility. The powers eventually made Odin worry for his throne and orders guards to execute them. They proved to be mighty warriors, but it was later discovered the three kids, Pestilence, Famine , and War could be defeated if you removed each of their rings. Odin wears the rings of the three to this day, and after having them executed, Death buried them in Ahmadiyya roots before she went on a rampage. Eventually Loki convinced her to calm and take the form of a crow to protect her from the Allfathers wrath.”

“Tell us More about Death” was Steve's only comment during the entirety of the Horseman discussion and Thor instantly complied.

“Ahh, The Crow of death., her birth name is Morrigan, but she is often times just called Death. She generally prefers taking the form of a crow rather than riding horseback, but, if she does, she adorns a yellowish green horse that appears to be decaying. Death was the last to be titled as a Horseman, not particularly wanting the job, but quickly took over as leader, once she realized how much she would miss her three children. Her weapon of choice is a scythe, and, due to her advanced age, Death is completely detached from the rest of the universe. She only pays the events vague interest, resulting in her tendency to wander off from his assigned targets. However, unlike her children, Death is shown to have a more civil and calm manner when dealing with anything untoward, and while she doesn't particularly like anyone, she can't help but to have a soft spot for Loki, as the two share a Mother and son bond, Death even went as far as loaning Loki her Ring, long ago, so he could become Death for the day, as a way to teach Loki quality of the Soul, along with the consequences of disrupting the natural order. She hates the idea of souls being used for power, and has a level of respect for beings, specifically the soul. Death teaches Loki that the soul is stronger than anyone knows, and that it can suffer much and be broken but can't be destroyed, not even by her. Her powers include, exemption from any physical harm and pain and cannot be physically destroyed in any manner, except by her own scythe. Resurrection although she rarely does this, as it goes against the natural order, Memory Manipulation, and Pyrokinesis, meaning she can instantly kill anything or anyone at the drop of a hat. She will only ever take orders from her adopted son Loki.”

“So only Loki and Steve can get her to do anything?” Natasha clarified

“Yes.” Thor answered honestly

“How lovely” Clint rolled his eyes hiding the slight fear that may have shivered down his spine at the power his parents held. 

“And the horse?” Bucky asked in curiosity

“Another of Loki’s children,” Thor began, “You see this all happened back when my father had called upon Gangleri, one of the best builders in all the land, and demanded he build a fortification for the castle in three seasons, to keep out any Jotun invaders. Gangleri didn't want to build Odin his wall, but eventually claimed he would only do it for my mother's, Frigga, hand. After some debate, the Allfather and the Counsel agree to this, but place a number of restrictions on the builder, including that he must complete the work with the help of no other man. Gangleri made single request to have help from his stallion Svaðilfari, and due to Loki's influence, this is allowed.”

“How did Loki influence that?” Steve interrupted.

“Loki simply adores horses” Thor smiled continuing, “The stallion Svaðilfari performs twice the deeds of strength as the builder, and hauls enormous rocks to the surprise of the gods. The builder, with Svaðilfari, makes fast progress on the wall, and three days before the deadline of summer, the builder was nearly at the entrance to the fortification. The gods convene, and figured out who was responsible, resulting in a unanimous agreement that, along with most trouble, Loki was to blame.”

“Why do they blame him for everything?” Tony also interrupted.

“He is the God of Mischievous,” Phil reminds, “He was the easiest to place blame on.”

“Son of Coul is right, it was much easier to blame him for all the wrongdoing the Æsir

went through.” Thor agreed, “The Council declared that Loki would deserve a horrible death if he could not find a scheme that would cause the builder to forfeit his payment, and threatened to attack him. Loki, afraid, swore oaths that he would devise a scheme to cause the builder to forfeit the payment, whatever it would cost himself.”

“What did he do?” Natasha asked engrossed in the tale of deception.

“That night, the builder drove out to fetch stone with his stallion Svaðilfari, and out from a wood ran a mare. The mare neighed at Svaðilfari, and realizing what kind of horse it was, Svaðilfari became frantic, neighed, tore apart his tackle, and ran towards the mare. The mare ran to the wood, Svaðilfari followed, and the builder chased after. The two horses ran around all night, causing the building work to be held up for the night, and the previous momentum of building work that the builder had been able to maintain was not continued. Unfortunately,” Thors tone was more somber now, “When Odin realized that the builder is a Jotun, he disregarded any previous oaths with the builder, and called for me.”

“What did you do?” Phil asked, confused

“I killed Gangleri by smashing his skull into shards with Mjöllnir.” Thor admits sheepishly, “However, Loki had "such dealings” with Svaðilfari that "somewhat later" Loki gave birth to a grey foal with eight legs; the horse Sleipnir.”

“That doesn't explain why he is a mark on Steve’s back.” Bruce spoke up.

“After the foal was born Odin had Loki put into the dungeon with his mouth sewn shut, as punishment for not producing an Æsir babe.” Thor stared at bruce sadly as he told this part of the tale, “When he was finally let out Loki discovered Odin was using Sleipnir like a common steed, he quickly stole him from the stables and placed his youngest child in hiding.”

“What is the Captains mark?” Jarvis intruded again, after a long moment of silence.

“The Captain has been blessed with the Mark of Sloth, she can entail different vices. While sloth is sometimes defined as physical laziness, spiritual laziness is emphasized. Failing to develop spiritually will lead to becoming guilty of sloth. He has also been defined as a failure to do things that one should do. By this definition, evil exists when good men fail to act, the exact deadly sin referred to was believed to be the failure to utilize one's talents and gifts. Her Love is Temperance and he is known for restraint, justice, and his constant mindfulness of others and of one's surroundings. unlike his wife he loves to practice self-control, abstention, moderation and deferred gratification. He controls Prudence, and enjoys judging between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time.”

“Whats her Curse?” Phil asked hoping it was better than the last one.

“Sloth is Cursed to be at her Sister's beck and call, if she were to rest he aching, bloody feet Odin will kill her beloved Husband and Sisters. She would be put in a dark, isolated room to live out the rest of her existence alone.” Thor replied sadly, in his opinion her punishment was the worst.

“Don't worry, Bucky,” Tony teased, after a moment of comfortable silence“We didn't forget about you!”

“Yes, my metal armed friend” Thor turned to the person he was addressing joyfully “You also carry one more of Loki’s children”

“Who?” Bucky hoped his gift was super cool too.

“Fenrir, who is a monstrous wolf, attested to be the father of all wolves, a son of Loki, and, above all, hates Odin. Mostly because Odin, due to false knowledge of prophecies foretelling great trouble from Fenrir and his rapid growth, had the Generals bound him, which resulted in Fenrir biting off the right hand of Balder, Odin's third, and favorite son.” Thors tone was slightly bitter as he said the last part it it freaked out the others because of how much he resembled his beloved brother Loki.

“Your Lover Mark is that of Vanity, or,as she's more commonly known, Pride. She is the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, since she is the source of the others. She identifies as believing that one is essentially better than others, is always failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal self ,it also includes vainglory which is unjustified boasting. Odin's curse of pride was "love of self, perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour". her husband, Diligence, has a more zealous and careful nature than his wife and believes in a decisive work ethic, steadfastness in belief, fortitude, the capability of not giving up, budgeting one's time; monitoring one's own activities to guard against laziness. He is the Commander of upholding one's convictions at all times, especially when no one else is watching ,or Integrity, as it more commonly known as. While her Sister, Envy, has had her eyes pinned open, The Allfather had her eyes sewn shut with enchanted wire so she could everything around her, but she is never to gaze upon her own face for all of eternity. Humility often tells her of her beauty so she doesn't go mad and try to kill herself. Again.”

“You said something earlier about summoning.” Tony really wanted to meet a Dragon “Can we summon our creatures now?”

“Do you know how to summon any of them?” Clint sassed back.

“No,” Tony answered, seeing where this was going.

“Then you can't summon them” Natasha decided to respond WAY nicer then whatever was going to leave her brother's mouth.

“Actually,” Thor cleared his throat, “All you have to do to summon anything is have the right spell, If I remember correctly, I could write them out and give them to you tomorrow.”

“BEDTIME!” Tony yelled, excited to go to bed for the first time in fifteen years, running to his bedroom, leaving the other hero's laughing behind him.


	4. Summoning, Making New Friends, and Forming Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki comes back and you meet new people

True to his word, Thor had provided them with the necessary spells, needed to summon, or in some cases activate their gift.

“I thought you weren't into magic?” Steve questioned as he accepted the papers handed to him.

“I'm not,” Thor sheepishly admitted as he lifted his hair on his left side, revealing a writhing ball of constantly moving copper, silver, and poison green silk, “But you are not the only one to receive a gift from my Brother.”

“What is it?” Steve reached up to touch the piercing in Thor's ear but the God leaned away before he could get close enough.

“The Tag of Arvellon, it gives me access to Loki’s magic whenever I may need it.”

“That's great!” Steve was washed over with a sense of hope at the news, “Can we use it to get to Asgard?”

“Yes.” Thor turned the other man around and gave him a slight push to the adults congregating at the kitchen island, “But first you must become familiar with your own supernatural powers, and to do that will take a lot of his magic.”

“Will it hurt him?” Steve concern made Thor pause and scrutinize him.

“If we are not careful,” Thor allowed “But most likely he will be exhausted, and concerned for us getting along with his other children.” Whatever Steve was going to say in response was cut off as Toby yelled at them.

“It's about time!” Tony reprimanded as the two blondes strolled over to their seats, 

“We decided to summon everyone then have a get-to-know-your-new-family party.” Phil filled in the two on the conversation they missed.

“We also really wasn't to play with any new powers we have received.” Clint added in a serious manner sitting next to Phil as he anticipated getting his wings.

Steve and Thor got themselves seated, and soon they went around the room performing spells. Phil went first, excitedly summoning Jörmungandr and Lady Luck. After a few seconds of nothing Phil started to feel like a grade-A loser, but, as he got up to escape the judgment of his peers, a hand grasped his shoulder. Phil guessed that by Clint and Tony’s slightly feminine gasps that the spell had in fact worked and that he wasn't a complete loser.

“Salutations, mortal” an Asian man smiled at Phil, his eyes taking in the whole room from the safety of his aviators, “I must apologize, but mi Madre appears to have used his magic to summon me, and I can't seem to find him.” The man put one hand into the pocket of the perfectly creased pants of his steel gray suit, adorned quite nicely with a black and grey striped tie and a royal violet handkerchief in the breast pocket.

“Certainly,” Phil used a polite tone hoping to make a good impression, “But could I possibly get your name first?

“Jörmungandr.” The shape shifting snake unbuttoned the one button holding his suit jacket together to reach into said jacket and pull out a business card, but as he did he also revealed the live silver snake, acting as both belt and highly fashionable- if not slightly angry- belt buckle. The card simply read ‘Realm protector’ in beautiful hand script, and Phil opened his mouth to question the man on why he had a business card when the man he was going to question spoke first.

“Hello, Uncle” The tone was dry and filled with the angst only people in fandoms seem to reach.

“Nephew.” Thors tone seemed on edge and nervous for some reason.

“Where is mi Madre?” Jörmungandr glared the Thunder god down hard, “Did you decide he was too much trouble again?”

“That will never happen again, Jörmungandr,” Thors tone was soothing as the bitterness slapped him in the face, “You have my word.” As the stare down between a sincere looking Thor and an enraged Jörmungandr continued, and before anyone could question either on whatever the two Norse entities were discussing, Bucky spoke up with a question of his own.

“Where's Lady Luck?” Bucky asked looking around to make sure he didn't miss her.

“Honey,” A gorgeous Greek woman wearing a stunning, dark green strapless, embroidered split, floor length dress came from around the corner of the hallway to the far right of the kitchen and living room, “We seem to have forgotten our-” Her face showed how pissed off she, but quickly morphed into a polite smile when she saw the roomful of people, “I'm sorry for my outburst, but i was in the middle of a game, with a GREAT hand, and-”

“I can tell.” Jörmungandr commented and both threw grins of understanding in each other's direction. 

“Hello, Mortals I am Fortune, I do hope to get to know you all better.” After introducing herself, in a very regal manner if you asked her, Fortune silently glided over to where Jörmungandr and Phil were holding a conversation, “It's been too long...” she said as she threw her arms over the Snake guy. Jörmungandr rolled his eyes at her over dramatization, but Phil watched in awe as her diamond earrings and matching necklace reflected the light enhancing her ruby red lips, smoky green eyes, shining midnight hair and beautiful tan skin. Phil was so caught up in Lady Luck’s beauty that he almost missed the fact he was now drinking from a random golden chalice, he quickly placed the chalice down and turned to question Thor.

“Along with the powers you seem to have gotten a small part of the curse as well,” Thor theorized scratching his beard, “Death will probably be able to answer any questions.”

“I would like to see my date before i meet anyone else.” Fortune quickly butted in as she made her request, glancing around to the young pawns in the room.

“That means I should go next.” Tony reasoned and, when nobody suggested otherwise, performed his spell work to summon Fate. It took a few moments for him to show up, but eventually the couple was back together, and could be seen mingling merrily. Tony, on the other hand, had four silver bells dangling from thin decorative chains on each wrist.

“This is bullshit...” Tony muttered as he attempted to remove them from his body, but the harder he tried the louder the bells would get. Tony didn't give up until their thunderous tolls were too much for him to bear and he was on the ground clutching his head in pain, confusing everyone else who only heard a small tinkling.

After Tony was dealt with, Jörmungandr decided he didn't want to be alone either and requested Bucky went next. The hero's agreed, considering they knew it had been awhile he had seen either of his brothers, they very much wanted to see the happy reunion. After three attempts- Bucky didn't take the first two seriously- and one pep talk from Tony, Fenrir was welcomed to the party by an ecstatic Jörmungandr.

“Hey, fam,” The almond colored man, who has just a wall of muscles, was completely shirtless, and had a tribal like tattoo slithering around his shoulder, spoke as he gave his brothers one of those handshake-hug maneuver, “Did Matka summon you too?”

“No,” Jörmungandr confessed as his brother eagerly looked around in hopes of catching a glimpse of their mother, “But it appears we will get to see Sleipnir later on.”

“How’s little bro doin’?” Fenrir asked as he takes a look around.

“I don't know.” Jörmungandr admits casually as Phil and Clint hand them drinks, joining the conversation.

“Sleipnir is the youngest, right?” Clint asked taking a sip of his own beverage.

“Technically,” Tony singsongs as he walks by, “You're the youngest.”

“Excuse me?” Fenrir exclaims overhearing what the glowing now-immortal mortal said.

“We are also Loki’s children.” Natasha said taking the all powerful ring off of her right pointer finger, and appearing to her other siblings.

“I don't think you-” Jörmungandr was interrupted by a nearby Thor shushing him.

“Bruce is going to summon Durgashibanapal.” Bucky offered for their offended and confused expressions. Bruce was in fact reading his slip of paper as he mumbled to himself, eventually he cleared his throat and, in an ominous voice, began to cast his spell.

“I invoke you, ye holy one! Regal and majestic! domine deus meus in te speravi conlitebor tibi domine in toto corde meo quem ad modum desiderat cervus ad fantes aquarum.Glorious splendour! Mighty arch-daimon! Denizen of chaos and Erebus, and of the unfathomable abyss! Haunter of sky-depths! Murk enwrapped, scanning mystery, and guardian of cults! Flame-fanning terror darter! Heart-crushing despot! Satanachia of daimons!Ouver! Chameron! Aliseon! Mandousin! Premy! Oriet! Mayorus! Esmony! Estiot! Dumosson! Danochar! Casmiel! Sadirno! Eparinesant! domine meus Loki!” 

In a blindingly white light a curvy woman appeared in a stunning one shoulder goddess like dress, that draped over her generous curves in a loving and tantalizing way, with Gold and Crystal Beaded cuff for the wrist creates a gorgeous float of the gold embossed, White Satin Fabric, the dress had a side split clear up to her left hip- opposite of the golden cuff-and was completely backless. her head was decorated with moss, flowers, small berry sprigs, feathers, vines, crystallized dew drops, and Swarovski crystals, all wrapped around the two, gold flecked, horns delicately curling out of her out of control, black curly hair. She adorned no shoes, but did have a schalke matching bruises on her left ankle, and wore copious amounts of jewelry that appeared to be made out of old, yellowing bones, her eyes are surrounded by distracting scales that glittered from the the overhead lights and she sported the same kaleidoscope eyes as the one from Dr.Banner's new anklet, only the colors seemed to shift her her piercing eyes. She fiddled with one of the chains that connected her horns before she looked up scanning the room, eyes locking with Bruce’s, before her red lips revealed a gold sheen as she opened them to speak.

“How are you?!” The Carolina accent threw everyone off, “Momma Loki’s told me so much ‘bout you, it is so GOOD to finally put a face to the description.” 

“Hi?” Bruce sounded unsure as he scuffed his shoe along the floor, “I'm sorry you are tied down to me.”

“Sweetheart,” Durgashibanapal took his face in her hands as she continued, “I'm not tied down, I asked Loki to find someone i could be around, so i could finally have a friend.”

“Really?” Bruce was shocked someone he just met could be so willing to be around him, “You don't mind if i'm a monster?”

“Momma Loki’d be maddern a wet hen he heard you taklin’ ‘bout yerself like that.” Durgashibanapal reprimanded slapping Bruce's arm lightly,

“Do you know how many times we have had to deal with someone considering our family a bunch of monsters?” Jörmungandr added making his way through the group to stand by his adopted sister.

“Almost e’rybody” Fenrir answered.

“Includin’ Grand Daddy Odin” Durgashibanapal ended, looping her arm in her brothers as she turned away.

“Soooo,” Clint said as he saddled up to his older siblings, “Your name is Durgashibanapal… do you have a nickname?”

“Clint stop being rude.” Phil deadpanned as he also came up to continue the conversation from earlier.

“Or flirting” Natasha added from his left, “That's incest and i can't condone that.”

“You can call me Durgie,” The queen of dragons giggled as she answered, “What’s this i hear ‘bout incest?” her nose crinkled adorably in disgust at the thought. 

“It appears we have some new siblings” Jörmungandr said looking down his nose to the three ‘heroes’, “Sleipnir will also be joining us.” the comment was obliviously used to dismiss the new members of the family.

“I wanna see him as soon as possible.” Durgie said as she stared the others in the room down patiently.

“Looks like Steve is up.” Tony jangled as he gestured over to the nervous looking Super Soldier.

“But Bruce has a red streak tattooed across his face and Bucky got wire rapped around his wrist and pinned in place with a silver needle,” Steve explained, “What do you think is going to happen to me?” 

“You will most likely get shoes or something.” Phil said boredly.

“It can not be any worse than whatever Clint will get.” Thor reminded helpfully.

“Your right,” Steve agreed ,”I should just get it out of the way” he took a deep breath as he uncurled his paper.

“I conjure thee spirit to come and show thyself in fair and comely shape without guile or deformity by the name of Casmiel! Je renonce ? tous les biens tant spirituels que corporels qui me pourraient estre conferez de la part de Dieu! By the name of beloved Loki! By the dread day of final judgement! By the omen! By the changing sea of glass! By those beasts having eyes before and behind, and having one hundred hands! De la vierge Marie! Et de tous les, oui, les saincts du Paradis! Pareillement de mon patron saint Jean Baptiste! Saint Paul! Saint Pierre! Et Saint Fran?ois! Et de me donner de corps aaaaaaaaaaaa Lucifer!”

Two figures crashed through the ceiling, one was a skinny white punk who was shirtless with low rise, ripped up skinny jeans, a blue beanie that only had the word fuck in red and white letters decorating it, quarter sized gauges, tattoos covering one arm and coiling around his torso, and the other appeared to be a nineteen-forty housewife, complete with a vintage flower pattern sleeveless V-neck Cotton A-line dress- protected by a waist apron mind you-,blonde victory curls, and red lipstick.

“Jörmy~!” the male squealed in a girlish fashion while strangling Jörmungandr

in his powerful hug, “Is Mumsy around?” he asked as he gripped Fenrir in the same hold. Death meanwhile picked herself off the ground and wandered into the kitchen to begin dinner. Steve on the other hand now had navy blue scripture reading “At thine Beck and Call” in a cursive script. Odd. 

“No, but I'd like you to meet our new siblings.” Jörmungandr gestured for Phil, Clint, and Natasha to step forward, smiling in a suspicious manner as Sleipnir’s head whipped around.

“They’re Midgardians?” white punk asked as he poked and prodded each one.

“Slep!” the almond brother reprimanded “Don't go touchin’ all up on eve’ybody”

“Fen!” Sleipnir mocked “They don't seem to mind.” and whipped back over to the three, “Do you know who your father is?” Fenrir’s second reprimand was drowned out by his older brother.

“They said earlier that it was the blond fellow over yonder.” A finger was pointed toward Steve and everyone in the room went silent.

Meanwhile in Asgard.

“I do know why you are here,” Loki let his voice sound bored, words slipping lazily, as if this conversation was about something unimportant, because if he didn't make it sound as if the subject matter was not worth the effort of speaking they would know how anxious it made him “But what are you exactly going to do, remains unknown to me. I could hazard a few guesses, though, and if you’d care to listen, suggest an option of my own.”

“Balder is here because he is my most trusted adviser,” Odin's voice was sharp as he addressed his adopted son, “He is also the one who suggested I go to war with the worthless realm.”

“My son will never allow you to pass.” Loki argued, “And you will never be able to kill him.”

“Kill him? No,” Odin laughed as if he made a wonderful joke, “We have understanding, however, that a strong enough blow to the head will leave him unconscious long enough to get my fleet into the realm.” 

Loki insisted the mortals had the right to exist and so he , verbally, protected the little fledgling realm from destruction for three days before they seemed to finally negotiate some sort of an ideal situation for both parties. Odin was to come up with a way for Loki to, personally, reimburse him, and Loki was promised that Midgard would be safe for the next five thousand years. 

Two days later the Allfather, along with Frigga and Balder, requested Loki’s presence to announce what he would be implementing for the safety of his happiness.

“In exchange for peace I have decided that Velkomin shall be performed between you and Balder in a fortnight.”

“That form of marriage has been forbidden in the nine realms since you were a babe!” Frigga was concerned for her son but stayed silent, “You are going to go against the ruling of past kings for this bespawlering, cumberground, flesh-mongering fool?!”

“Loki, that is enough.” Odin slammed his fist down onto the armrest of his throne, he had had enough of the the tricksters reluctance, “Have you not brought enough shame to this family? Your Mother will oversee the ceremony, and I’ll let you decide where you want to have the bedding portion of the ritual. That is final, and this conversation is over.”

“I will not watch as my son melds souls with someone else's when he is unwilling.” Frigga decreed as she glared down at her husband.

“Surely there is something else you would rather have me do.” Loki gestured as he spoke, “You can not just-”

“STOP BEING A PETULANT CHILD!” Odin roared suddenly, though Frigga and Loki were so used to these temper flares that neither of them flinched. Loki slammed a mask of stone over his face as he nodded and swiftly turned to leave.

“Loki,” Balder spoke up before Loki could reach for the handle on the oversized doors, “We will be in my mother's realm for the ceremony, do try not to be too much of a abydocomist.” his tone was infuriatingly smug, his grin reminded Loki of the green hairy man from one of the movies Tony forced him to watch during the winter.

“Oh I will need all my lies, least I be rude and offend everyone and be sent to the gallows.” Loki shot back watching as the grin turned to a scowl.

“Again.” Frigga added shooting Loki a grin that changed to stone as Balder turned to her.

“You might want to start gathering your things, we leave at the first sign of light.” Balder informed turning back to his future prize.

“I will inform Sif and The Warriors Three.” Loki informed making it clear he had no intention of traveling with Balder alone.

“Good idea, Loki,” Odin’s voice killed what was about to fly from Baldur's lips, “You will need them as witnesses.”

After a long day of traveling, the party had finally made it close enough to the realm of Khoshekh, where Baldur's mother and her people lived, to stop for the night. Ancient traditions and magic both held more interest to the minds of these people, but even that alone did not account for the inherent strangeness of mind and body, he would name it something almost primordial, he hated it, if something wasn't trying to steal his magic it was trying to destroy it, and unfortunately the family he left behind needed his magic so he couldn't temporarily encase it.

A moment later a warning, unspoken, prickled upon his skin like the pressure of unseen rain. His magic was being used, again. The Midgardians had finally figured out their trinkets, Loki hoped he did right and everyone was getting along. Caught up in his homesick thoughts he did not notice he was separating from the party. The Warriors Three watched as he went farther ahead, making way to the nearest inn and stumbling into it as if already drunk, yet no one made a move to stop him since Balder had gone ahead to visit with his mother, understanding that after spending the whole day together it was nice to have a moment to oneself. Sif and her companions, after locating Loki, grabbed a table near the fireplace, ordered food and ale, and watched Loki exhaustedly eat a bowl of stew. 

Volstagg frowned, even as he took hearty swallow of his beer. “I hope the lad is not too exhausted,” he said, beard and moustache lightly foamed. “I know nothing of magic, certainly, but this does not seem a common reaction.”

“This is a place of wild magic.” Hogan's dark eyes held his, their emotion as inscrutable as his dealings about a dueling ground. The clever hands sat motionless about his tankard. “We should be gone from this place before it can do anymore to weaken him.”

“Loki cannot travel tonight.” Sif added to the conversation, “But we will be up before dawn, and we will strike out at first light.”

“I shall tell the prince the plan.” Fandral jokingly bowed to his friends as he went to order the rooms and talk to Loki. As soon as Loki was informed that they were staying, and that the the rooms were ready, he walked over to the rest of his party and thanked them before moving to go to his room. He felt the warning again, Ignoring it now, as he stripped and let his clothes fall like a trail of wilted night blooms. He filled the bath and scooped Epsom salts into both hands, letting them sprinkle like glitter into the water.

He sank into it with a groan, long-fingered hands supporting his weight as steam wafted over his face, his skin, as pale as the bleached spines of dead sea animals stranded in brown sand, reddened almost instantly. He didn’t know what it was about hot water and its dizzyingly relaxing effect on him that was so different from normal summer sunshine, which always made him ache with irritability and rivers of sweat, but hot bath water rolled over him like a balm, a perfect snug blanket. Lying back, he curled up on his side and let the heat and salt soak into his very marrow, muscles lengthening and loosening, rubber bands gone soft. Sadly, Loki only got a few minutes of calm before a group of angry people suddenly appeared.

“MADRE!” Jörmungandr spat angrily as Fenrir and Sleipnir held Steve in a very aggressive hold, “Is this man our new Father?”

“Isn't your Uncle Thor supposed to be watching you?” Loki groaned, knowing they weren't going to go away anytime soon, “Ask him.”

“Slep, summon the old man would you?” Jörmungandr requested in forced politeness.

“Jörmy,” Loki voiced testily, “You know he can't transport anyone beyond himself with the help of others.”

“Why you always gotta be hurtin’ e’rybody's feelin’s?” Fenrir spoke up admonishing Jörmungandr for his insensitivity, “You know how-”

“I'm going to try.” was the only thing spoken by Sleipnir before an inky gray light enveloped around the room, blinding Steve and Fenrir before it died down revealing a charred punk with a scrap of burnt material from whatever Thor was wearing at the moment.

“I cant do it on my own...” Sleipnir confessed as he looked down in shame.

“Hand me a towel.” The demand stung, for all the words were softly spoken. After turning to collect one, Sleipnir handed it back without looking. Loki seemed infuriated and certain on his feet as he crossed the room. He was not mad at Sleipnir, no, he was mad at Odin who had taken him before they could learn to use their magic properly.

“He is not your new Father, he does not see me in that light,” Loki clarified in a somewhat bitter tone.

“I-” Steve began to protest but was stopped by Fenrir’s hand covering his mouth.

“Don't interrupt my Matka.”

“Besides, ”Loki continued ignoring the silencing of Captain America, “If anything Balder will be considered your new father.”

“Didn't I bite his hand off?” Fenrir questioned confused, “Why would he be our new Father?”

“Why would he WANT to be our father? Mumsy?” Sleipnir added 

“I will explain once the whole family is present.” Loki’s tone was firm as he went behind a makeshift changing curtain and slipped on a black tunic with deep green breeches. 

“We should go somewhere where we have room for everyone.” Sleipnir said as his Mother finished getting dressed, silently they all went outside and began looking for a place where everyone could be, comfortably, transported without any witnesses. After wandering around the woods a while they came upon a clearing big enough to do so.

“BROTHER!” Thor boomed and swallowed Loki into a giant bear hug when he got his bearings. Everyone else did the same, and once everybody got situated, Loki made his announcement.

“I'm marrying Balder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill try to make it funny


End file.
